H...o...r...n...s...b...y
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A R C H I V E S
C O L U M N S
Hornsby
Hullabaloo
According
to James
Shades
of
Pinkie
A
Short
Perspective
Blue
Bank
Woman
A
Letter
from Lea
Jots
by
Jerusha
F E A T U R E S
ClanPower
Clan
Kids
Korner
Benedict's
Nine
Interactive
Story
Thanks
for
visiting.
October 25, 2004
An answer to Uncle John's OPEN LETTER
. . .
My Dear Uncle John,
I want to begin by telling you how grateful I am that you are a part of my life. I am glad that we have taken the opportunity to share parts of ourselves with each other. It has meant a great deal to me. You are very special to me...
. . . I admire your courage. It takes time and conviction to step up and express ideals and address issues that question motivation and direction, and your concern for the Clan is evident and appreciated.
. . . Because of my physical and often mental distance from the Heart of the Clan, I had to wonder about the importance or relevance of my opinion in these matters, but I realized that it is a good opportunity for me to practice expressing my true feelings and opinions rather than simply going along with whatever I think everyone wants or expects of me.
. . . So, for what it's worth—
. . . Consciously, I know but a little of Grandy-bo's vision for his family. I was too young at first to grasp the depth of what he was trying to instill. And, by the time I was old enough to begin to understand the importance of his values, I was distracted by the temporary trappings of this world. And then, when it seemed I could have learned the most from his experience and wisdom, he was gone. I have often thought about the fact that I lost the two most influential people in my life in the same year. He probably never realized the impact he had on my life, and I never took the chance to tell him how important his kindness and steadfastness were for me. Truthfully, I didn't consciously realize this until the past two and a half years. And ironically, his death may have been a significant part of that lesson.
. . . His ideal of closeness and unity is one I have come to appreciate more and more as the days go by. When I was younger we seemed so close as a family. The Clan (with Grandy-bo's example) accepted me unconditionally and without question. I have no doubt that this family— and this man —was placed in my life to lay a foundation that would later save me from a living hell; would give me the strength, courage, and hope to turn to God and recognize and surrender to my powerlessness over my addiction and my life in general. It is because of this journey that I have the courage to share what I have come to believe is true for me today.
. . . For years I have felt that we are drifting apart. Much, but not all, of that has been of my own doing (or not doing). Some, but not all, is also of my own skewed perception and insecurity. And yet, I believe there is also quite a bit of truth to it. My recommitment to my own young nuclear family has shown me how difficult it is to make the time to reach out to my extended family. And now, growing up years later that perhaps I might have, I find that some days there is so little left of me to give. So many days I feel so exhausted from the demands of my responsibilities and overwhelmed with the tasks entrusted to me. What a wonderful gift to be able to turn to my family for support and advice and friendship and encouragement and companionship.
. . . And yet, do I?
. . . And so, after reading your heart-felt letter, I once again find myself taking a necessary inventory.
. . . I am re-dedicating myself to that part of Grandy-bo's wise wish for us. To reaching out my hand in loving friendship to my dear family who sometimes gets as lost and distracted as I do in this hectic world.
. . . It is my sincere hope that by this gesture I may do my part in helping us to reconnect and strengthen our bonds of unity.
. . . As for what I understood to be another part of his vision--to become prepared to be self-sufficient in the event of the worst this world has to offer— I can only tell you I cannot make any official commitments...
. . . For me, it isn't a question of concern for those I love. It is a matter of attitude and belief in how I must live my life--according to God's will. In the event of the beginning of the end, I will be where God has placed me. Today, I must learn to live each day only in the present. I have found that I cannot afford to be overly concerned with what might or might not happen in the future. Preparation is vital. But today, I MUST concentrate more on my spiritual preparation. I could meet my Higher Power long before society leads itself into darkness. Should I see that day, however...
. . . I pray that I will have the faith, courage, hope, and strength to be on the side of ALL GOOD. I pray that I will have the willingness to go where my God has placed me. I pray that I will have the wisdom, courage, and strength to carry out his will for me at that time and place, that I may be a blessing and comfort for others, that I may be an example to those I would help of HIS Power, Love, Mercy, and Way. I pray that I will find peace knowing that I have served my purpose in this world so that I may join HIM with a content and joyful heart. And, should HE lead me back to the place of my beloved extended family, I know in my heart and soul that he will provide.
. . . But I have come to realize that I must do these things each and every day of my life. Today, my focus must remain in the present. I must be available to do HIS will whenever, wherever, and whatever that may be.
. . . I think of Grandy-bo and my Grandma and Grandpa often these days. The knowledge that they are proud of my progress in this life sustains me when I find myself drifting off the narrow path. I miss them. Yet I know that their spirit lives on within us.
. . . Thank you for giving me the opportunity to search my heart.
. . . I look forward to learning more about what makes you unique. And, perhaps more importantly, I look forward to continuing to find those things which connect us.
. . . All God's mercy and all my love,
. . . Kristi
"Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? It is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven." ~Matt 5
