A R C H I V E S
Thanks
for
visiting.
Emails from
California . . .
Aunt
Esther:
Tomorrow is another day
2.27.01
Dear Family and Friends,
Last Wednesday, 2/21 we visited Dr. Wallstrom and Grandma seemed
as stable as she has been since Christmas. That day was her last day of
the Prednisone regimen. She was eating about 70 to 80% of normal, the
itching seemed greatly reduced, her blood pressure remains around 101
over 50, her cough was about the same but her energy level and interest
in life was so much better.
.
. . Tuesday
evening we even journeyed to Cerritos to attend Nino's quarterfinal playoff
basketball game. She was tired when we got home, but she thoroughly enjoyed
herself (we know this because she was yelling at the refs!). The doctor
was so pleased and even said, "I don't think so but maybe we are looking
at that 5% chance that we've been fooled!" He started her on the second
anti-hormone steroid, Megestrol (Megase) which was the next step in the
treatment of the lymphoma. He decided she could go 2 weeks instead of
1 for another office visit. She was very pleased by that.
.
. .
There has been a rapid deterioration since then and we are hoping it is
due to the Megase. She wanted so much to see the semifinal basketball
game Friday, so, against our better judgment, we took her and she did
fine until the end of the evening when she had a very scary "spell" as
we were leaving the restaurant. She seemed to black out for about 30 seconds
and have difficulty breathing. We sat her down and kept talking and when
she came around she said, "Who do you think I'll see when I go there?"
We were stunned but Sheri answered, "Grandpa Boozie, your Mom and Dad,
Helen (closest sister) and Derby, Pete, Luke, and Curly (brothers)." She
said, "Do you really think so?" and Sheri replied, "I absolutely know
so!" Esther exclaimed, "Oh, good!" Jerry was out getting the car and when
I told him about this he was amazed because she never talks about death
without being quite fearful. She thinks she is going to hell because she
has used "cuss" words. (God help the rest of us!!) We think she took a
tiny peek at heaven and then came back. The fact that she was so calm
about it was very comforting.
.
. . What
is not comforting is that since then she rarely spends more than 6 to
8 hours out of bed. Saturday it was only 5. She is eating very little—
mostly Ensure Plus. She has very little energy. Sunday night we decided
not to give her the Megase and to check with the MD on Monday. He did
not think the meds would cause this but we decided to stop it just in
case. If she is not better by tomorrow, 2/28, he wants to see her and
may put her back on the Prednisone since she tolerated it so well. The
long-term consequences of that are secondary if the medicine improves
her quality of life now.
.
. .
We have not told her about the death of her dear brother, Bob, and we
do not intend to unless she asks about him. This is not likely since she
has no short-term memory (sometimes that is a blessing). Nor have we told
her of Art's illness, but, of course, if she asks, we would never lie.
She is just very fragile right now and we don't know how much stress she
can tolerate. Besides, we believe she will meet Bob in heaven soon, and
she just had a wonderful visit with our special Art in November.
.
. .
Please keep all of us in your prayers. We need them so much. Knowing when
to hold on and when to let go is not as easy as it seems when other people
are doing it! To our relatives in Ohio, please give "proxy" hugs to Aunt
Buff and all of her and Uncle Bob's family. We are so sorry for the loss
they are experiencing and send our deepest sympathy. We are grateful that
God took Bob home without a very long suffering. Can you imagine the joyful
Seitz reunion when our beloved Esther arrives in heaven to whip them all
into shape?!!
.
. .
Again, thank you for your emails, phone calls, cards, concern, good wishes
and love. We appreciate you all so much.
.
. .
Love from all of us,
.
. .
Sheri and Jerry, Esther, Sara and Nino, Adam, and Dan
3.03.01
Dear Family and Friends,
Since Grandma has continued to decline pretty rapidly over the last 10
days, and the stopping of the Megase did not improve her situation, we
decided to see Dr. Wallstrom sooner than March 7. We had a visit yesterday
and the news is not good. Esther has begun to have little "spells" such
as the one we described to you earlier. They are not related to medication
or blood pressure (114/50), but to the fact that she is dying of cancer.
She has lost 2 more pounds and is eating very little, although she enjoys
strawberry Ensure Plus and fresh artichokes with mayonnaise of all things!
She is sleeping 16 to 20 hours a day. She has very little energy for anything,
even her beloved crocheting. When she is awake, she is still a good visitor
and puts on a happy face, especially when Sara and Nino, Adam or Dan are
here. She complains of being cold, even when her hands and feet feel warm
to the touch and we have the house heated to 75-80 degrees (and Jerry
and I are running around the house in shorts and bare feet). She is not
in a great deal of pain, just little aches here and there, especially
in her back. Taking a shower exhausts her and she often says, "I am just
worn out." She is coughing more and yet her lungs are clear of infection
and most fluid because of antibiotics and lasix. This is an indication
that the tumor is growing. Dr. Wallstrom put her back on Prednisone, one
a day, with the hope that it will make her more comfortable. She did feel
better when she was taking it 2 weeks ago. He also gave us vioxx to have
on hand if the pain increases and promised to give narcotic medication
if it becomes necessary.
.
. .
You would think Jerry and I would have learned from experience with Grandpa
Bill, and me from 10 years in Hospice. We were still trying to crush the
tablets in ice cream to give Grandpa his Parkinson's medication 2 days
before his death, and he couldn't swallow! In our vigorous attempts to
keep her well, it seems that we have done the same with Esther, badgering
and cajoling her to eat, even when she is gagging on the food. We are
beginning to realize that fundamental to that extreme effort is the belief
that if she eats she won't die. Yesterday, we were confronted with the
reality that not only are we going to lose Grandma, we may lose her before
the end of March. That is Dr. Wallstrom's belief. He also told us that
stopping eating and taking fluids is the body's way of shutting down and
preparing for death and that there is evidence that this aids in pain
relief. He advised us to try to give 48 oz. of fluids a day, but otherwise
to give her whatever she wants, whenever she wants it and to let her sleep
as much as she wants. So, that is what we are doing. It seems so simple.
We were making it much harder on ourselves and on her because she kept
trying not to disappoint us. I have known all of these things for years.
Yet, is so hard for each of us to let go of this wonderful woman who has
been Wife, Mother, Friend, Grandma, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, and lived
all of those roles in the most traditional sense of selfless love and
devotion. Her loss will leave an emptiness in our lives that is hard to
imagine and terribly painful to contemplate. We remain committed to providing
the best quality of life that is possible for Grandma right up to the
end. What we need help with is letting go. Dr. Wallstrom gave us a written
"do not resuscitate" order to give to paramedics in case we panic and
call them! In the coming days, we ask for your prayers and your reminders,
that God will give us the grace to let go gently and to assist in sending
her painlessly and peacefully home to Him.
.
. .
Thank you for all of your wonderful cards, emails, and phone calls with
love, concern and support. Thank you especially to Nancy Canale for sitting
with Grandma so that Jerry and I can have an occasional evening out. If
you care to visit, you are welcome. Late afternoons and early evenings
are best for her. If one of us is not there, the kitchen door is always
open. Remember to close the gate so Gibby stays safe at home!
.
. .
Much, much love to all of you,
.
. .
Jerry and Sheri, Grandma, Sara and Nino, Adam and Dan
3.13.01
Dearest Family and Friends,
There is immeasurable sadness and great rejoicing in the Bir household!
Our beloved Esther, "Grandma" to so many loved ones, has gone home to
God. She died peacefully in her sleep sometime between 12:00 and 2:30
am Sunday morning, March 11.
.
. .
She spent all day Saturday doing a little crocheting and watching college
basketball with Jerry, Sara and Nino. Sheri returned home from work to
have dinner with them around 7 pm and to watch more basketball. Grandma
ate some soup that Tony Vacca had made for her and had a few crackers
and cheese with her nightly highball. For dessert, she drank a strawberry
Ensure Plus. About 10 pm, she said she hated to be a party pooper but
she was just tired out and she went to bed. She was coughing more than
usual and her breathing was somewhat labored. When she was in bed we all
went in and kissed her, told her we loved her, and wished her a good night.
She told us all she would feel much better tomorrow. Sheri said, "That's
right, Grandma, tomorrow is another day." She replied, "Oh, good!"
.
. .
Because we were worried about her breathing, we decided we would call
the doctor Sunday and ask for oxygen and an increase in the Prednisone.
Jerry and Sara went back in to check on her about 11:30 and she was resting
very quietly and breathing normally. Sometime between 2:00 and 2:30, Sheri
realized she hadn't heard Esther get up to go to the bathroom, which she
did frequently because of the Lasix. She went in to check on her and realized
she was not breathing. She looked exactly as she had at ll:30, with her
head resting in one hand, knees bent in her customary sleeping position.
Her eyes were closed and there was a look of incredible peace on her face.
.
. .
This is exactly what we all prayed would happen. We miss her so much already
but her quality of life was deteriorating rapidly and she was beginning
to suffer. We would not have wanted her to linger one more day. In her
last week of life, she had visits from Sara and Nino, Adam, Daniel, Marguerite
and Tony Vacca, Caroline and Sam Savage, Nancy Canale, Suzie Chapman (Sheri's
Mom) and Shelly Louthan (Sheri's Sister), not to mention flowers, more
soup, cards and emails, including a week of Masses and Prayers from Bishop
Ryan, and more phone calls than we can count from so many of you.
.
. .
Thank you all for walking with us on this difficult journey. You eased
our burden so much. You all know what a devotion she had to the Blessed
Mother. Michael Vacca told us that he has heard that Mary takes those
who have a special devotion to her home to heaven on Saturday night so
that they can be in heaven to celebrate the resurrection on Sunday! We
believe it!!
.
. .
The Viewing will be held at Callanan Mortuary, 1310 Western Ave., Hollywood.
on Wednesday, March 14. Rosary and Mass of Christian Burial will take
place at ll am, Thursday, March 15, at Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church,
10321 Tujunga Canyon Blvd., Tujunga. Burial will be at San Fernando Mission
Cemetery immediately following the Mass.
.
. .
A reception will be held at the conclusion of services at the home of
Tony and Marguerite Vacca, 10361 Glory Avenue, Tujunga, CA 91042. Esther
loved visiting at the Vaccas and we are grateful to them for opening their
home to all of us. Please join us for any part of the day to celebrate
the life of this wonderful woman.
.
. .
As most of you know, Jerry, Adam and Daniel all attended St. Francis High
School, a wonderful place that is special to all the Bir Family. Father
Matthew Ellshoff, president of the school, presided at Bill's Mass of
Christian Burial, and he will do the same for Esther. Donations in Esther's
honor may be made to St. Francis High School, 200 Foothill Blvd., La Canada,
CA 91011, in care of Father Matthew Ellshoff.
.
. .
Again, thank you for all you have done to support The Bir Family. We love
each and every one of you!!
Jerry and Sheri, Esther, Sara and Nino, Adam,
and Daniel
